Your father, Jo . . .showed me that I must try to practise all the virtues I would have my little girls possess, for I was their example. It was easier to try for your sakes than for my own; a startled or surprised look from one of you, when I spoke sharply, rebuked me more than any words could have done; and the love, respect, and confidence of my children was the sweetest reward I could receive for my efforts to be the woman I would have them copy.
~Marmee in Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott
Actions speak louder than words, and children will, eventually, exhibit the behavior that we model for them. Treating people, both our children and other people of all ages, as we would like to be treated, is the first step in raising children who have a conscience guided by internal discipline and compassion for others
Positive discipline is rooted in a secure, trusting, connected relationship between parent and child. Discipline that is empathetic, loving and respectful strengthens the connection between parent and child, while harsh or overly-punitive discipline weakens the connection. Remember that the ultimate goal of discipline is to help children develop self-control and self-discipline. Read More.
What Positive Discipline is Not
Positive discipline is rooted in a secure, trusting, connected relationship between parent and child. Discipline that is empathetic, loving and respectful strengthens the connection between parent and child, while harsh or overly-punitive discipline weakens the connection. Remember that the ultimate goal of discipline is to help children develop self-control and self-discipline. Read More.
What Positive Discipline is Not
- Permissiveness. Positive discipline does not mean letting children overrun other people. It does not mean no limits. See It's Not Called Permissive Parenting at API Reads.
- Indulgence. Positive discipline does not mean giving a child everything he/she wants at the expense of ourselves and others.
- Praising good behavior while ignoring bad behavior. See The Case Against Gold Stars, by Alfie Kohn.
- Using time-out in leui of spankings. Read The Case Against Time Out, by Peter Haiman, PhD.
- "New age" parenting. It is the way humans parented their children before people wrote books on parenting, and the way some cultures continue to parent.
- Free of consequences. Children learn through natural consequences, and in some cases, logical consequences.
- Being a "perfect" parent. Each of us have bad days and moments, and many of us struggle to parent in a way that is different from what we experienced as children.
Although there are a range of different styles of positive discipline, the overarching philosophy remains the same. What positive discipline looks like differs from home to home, depending on the principles of the particular family. TriCities Parenting API is here to provide support and information, not to judge. We realize that practicing positive discipline does not come easily to many of us; we are here to support one another to nurture our children for a compassionate world.
